Keira Knightley pops over

This is a visual aid of Keira Knightley

HI Keira.

Sure come on in and dry off.


Heh. I’ll Bet it wasnt like this when you were filming in the Carribean eh?


Swindon? I honestly thought it was filmed on location

Nah just stick your brolly on the shoe rack... Actually you can put it in the pair of wellies there.

Really? Aren’t they waterproof on the inside too? Aaah it’ll be alright, they’re my flatmates anyway. So do you want a cup of coffee? I mean I don’t really drink the stuff but I’ll make you one if you want.

No I do like it. It just makes me ill.

Well I don’t really want to say.

No.

Seriously Keira I don’t want...

It makes me shit alright. I have IBS and coffee makes me shit... stop it, It’s not funny.

Well I suppose, when you put it like that it is I guess hah. So 


you want a coffee?

Kenco Rapport.

No. That’s all I’ve got I’m afraid. Take a seat I’ll be back in a minute with your coffee. Maybe even a biscuit. Actually probably not a biscuit. Actually definitely no biscuit.

Oh I just don’t have any.

No it’s not an IBS thing I just ate them all. Be right back.

SO DID YOU BRING SOME DVDS TO WATCH?

COOL, WHAT DID YOU BRING?

Bollocks

OH NO I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE JONNY AND ORLANDO. AND THAT GUY WHO WAS IN THE OFFICE IS PRETTY FUNNY.

YEAH THAT’S HIS NAME, ITS JUST THAT er... I’M NOT REALLY IN THE MOOD FOR A PIRATE FILM.

YEAH I GUESS YOU’LL HAVE TO PUT THOSE TWO IN THE NO PILE AS WELL THEN. DO YOU TAKE MILK AND SUGAR?

SERIOUSLY?  YOU WONT KEEP YOUR TEETH LOOKING LIKE THAT IF YOU CARRY ON LIKE THAT

REALLY? CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT THEM? Here you go, careful its hot. Wow, you’d think they were real even from here.

But don’t they die if you take the tusks out?

Oh right. I’ve never heard of a sustainable herd before but if AL Gore says its okay then it must be. So what else did you bring?

Ah right, yeah, no we could watch that I suppose... but er... I’ve already seen it.

No no I thought it was... good. I thought they handled the ATONEal shifts quite well.

Atone-al? Atonement? Tonal? Come on I’ve been working on that one all day.

Hah! Yeah I suppose so.

No no I thought it was definitely a...film of ...filmic proportions and you were definitely... er acting. There was definitely some acting from you there... in that film. Yeah, you and all the actors... acting..

Well no... but I’m sure the academy had their reasons.

My favourite? well my favourite bit was er...the bit where er... the bee... stung Ian McKellen?

Really? Wasn’t he? I’m pretty sure he was.

No, I think you’ll find he was. I don’t know what film you’re thinking of but he was definitely there.

Well you were off your face on Prozac most of the shoot though weren’t you

Dont blame me, It’s not my fault he’s dead.

Oh come on, how was I to know. What sane person puts the slug pellets next to the Iams

Oh please don’t, no I’m sorry... Wait don’t use the cushion, have a tissue. Come one cheer up.

Look I said I was sorry.  What can I do to cheer you up?

...alright... we’ll watch it. If that’ll make it up to you I guess we’ll do that then. Right, where’s the remote? Oh for goodness sake. He’s always leaving his dvd’s in the player. Okay here we..

Hey what are you grinning about?...oh I see, very clever. That’s hilarious of you, It’s a pity the academy didn’t see that performance eh? Now quit hogging all the cushions and pass me one.