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| Sir Roger Moore with a nice tan |
(If you don't know who Roger Moore is I suggest wikipediaing him first or you'll only understand about 36% of the following transcript)
Come on Sir Roger Moore....where are you? Ten minutes late. Bond as never late, can you imagine "I'm here to stop you taking over the world Blofelt... what's that? You've already done it? Bollocks If only i'd run a bit faster, or not done up my shoelaces, Or just held it in til I got here". Seriously, where are you Sir Roger Moore? Oh is that? Hey, Sir Roger Moore!
I thought you weren't going to come! You should've given me a call.
Really? Let me see. Ah I can see what's wrong with it.
Well it turns out your phone is in fact a block of wood with numbers drawn on it.
Well of course it's cheaper, it doesn't bloody work.
Yes but he was in the room with you wasn't he?
I very much doubt it sends texts.
Yes but that would require you to have a pencil on you at all times and an excellent throwing arm.
Anyway why are you so late?
Bus? I thought you drove.
Well I suppose if you're old enough to get one you may as well use it.
No I don't have a bus pass, I'm 25.
Look it's just receding alright. It'll stop in a year or two... I'm sure. Anyway where do you want to go?
Really? Don't you want to try somewhere like Clarks or something?
No, fine. Primark it is. Their shoe selection is somewhat limited though.
So can I call you Roger now? or are you going to insist I keep calling you Sir Roger Moore?
I suppose I could but You realise no one watches the Saint anymore don't you?
Alright, alright... It'll probably get remade at some point nowadays I guess.
What really?
Val Kilmer? But he's nothing like you. I mean he's not even English?
Oh right, yeah obviously they couldn't set a popular British TV series in England that would alienate all the American fans of the original. Well here's Primark.
Hey, Sir Roge... I mean Simon Templar, where are you going? The entrance is over here.
Unless they've moved their entire shoe department to the bins round the back I don't think you're going to find what you're after. Although given the general quality of their footwear I probably wouldn't be surprised if they had.
Okay but if my shoes get wrecked I'm going inside to get new ones. Hup... Eugh, that's disgusting, careful not to tread in that.
I know but the colours clash and it has tassels. No wonder it's in here. Now can we hurry up, the tramps are beginning to stare.
Well I never think any of them ever expected to see James Bond rooting through the bins behind primark.
...Yes... or Simon Templar... What's that you've got there?
Yes I can see it's a small cardboard box but what's it for?
What? But it's made of cardboard! What happens if it rains? Your feet will get soaked!
I suppose you could do that but it would seem a bit ironic.
Well you'd have to change them when they wore through and I'd say putting bin liners in the bin is somewhat ironic.
...I thought it was funny.
Yeah I guess. Well at least with cardboard shoes you can be sure that they weren't made by some poor sweatshop kid in Kathmandu.
Er... No I don't know where the cardboard was made. Seriously though, are you really planning on using those as shoes. I mean you'll look ridiculous.
Well they're obviously going to be cheaper because they're shite. Surely you can afford shoes. I mean you're Roger Moore!
Sorry... Simon Templar.
But you've got loads of money.
What are you saving up for?
Really, Well loads of celebrities go for it nowadays. But you don't look that bad, surely a nip-tuck here and there can't be that expensive.
Reconstructive? Who do you want to look like?
...I should have guessed. But You were Simon Templar... He was a
fictional character played by you.
Yes but Val Kilmer played him after you.
Yeah! You were the original. Simon Templar looked identical to you!
YES!
Shall we go to Clarks then?
...Leave the boxes.
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